Dealing with emotions and feelings

Dealing appropriately with emotions and feelings is necessary to be calm and clear-headed. When we feel angry or hurt, it is naturally for most of us to blame someone else. However, blaming and being right (a mental construct) generally does not help in creating lasting happiness (a heart-felt experience). In the long term, it may be best to take responsibility for our emotions and feelings and to not suppress them.

Emotions and feelings are strongly related and can be felt as an energetic occurrence in your body. For example, loneliness might be experienced as an ache in the chest area, or anger as a heat in the face or solar plexus. Focussing on these physical/energetic occurrences is important in dealing with emotions/feelings.

Here is an approach which combines Eastern and Western philosophies. It is based on the work of John Ruskan and his book Emotional Clearing. For more information, visit his website: Emotional Clearing

1. Become aware of what you are feeling


• Identify what you are feeling (eg sad, anger, hurt, scared, abandoned, rejected, unvalidated, inferior, etc)


• Realize that the feelings are coming up from inside of you in order to be cleared


• Own and take responsibility for your feelings by not blaming or projecting




2. Accept that these feelings are okay and don't react


• Stop resisting the feelings and accept that they are present


• Maintain an inward awareness and do not react to the outward situation




3. Feel the feelings


• Observe what physical reactions are present in your body. Where is it in your body and how does it feel like?


• Take some deep breaths, bring the breath down into your belly, and feel your belly become big and widen. Keep on breathing deeply and exhale through your mouth as if you were blowing out a candle


• Allow the feeling to exist as it is, without distracting yourself by reacting to the outer situation


• Stay with the direct experience of the feeling for as long as you can


• If you are angry and find it difficult to stay with the feelings, you may have to excuse yourself for the time being and do something active and non-violent (such as running, yelling while alone in a car, etc)




4. Use this opportunity to transform the feelings


• Journal writing: write about the feeling and relate it to past memories/situations "This reminds me of ... when I felt .... and ..."


• Talk with a friend or who someone who is wise for some greater understanding about yourself


• Meditate/contemplate in order to gain some insight and understanding of the dynamics behind the feeling

Just by observing and directly feeling the feelings, the feelings will eventually dissipate. However, if we repress/avoid or act on them, they just accumulate.

The trick is to be able to stop and not react. How do we stop our automatic reactions? Generally, meditation has been used for thousands of years to help us slow down and not be a slave to our automatic reactions. Learning to watch and calm down the mind is a key practice to cultivate if you want to transform your emotions (and your life) for the benefit of yourself and others. A page on meditation is forthcoming here. You can surf the Net for more info.

Some other perspectives:
Approach of CancerOnline to Emotions
A Buddhist Approach to Emotions
A Corporate Wellness Viewpoint



Updated November 9, 2002